


To reach out to someone

by Valkyria99



Category: Raven Cycle - Maggie Stiefvater
Genre: Alternate Universe - No Powers, Angst with a Happy Ending, Child Abuse, Depression, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Joseph Kavinsky Being an Asshole, Love, M/M, Original Character(s), Physical Abuse, Prostitution, Warnings May Change
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-07-21
Updated: 2017-08-16
Packaged: 2018-12-05 01:00:43
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,127
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11567034
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Valkyria99/pseuds/Valkyria99
Summary: In which Adam's dad has really loose moral and big money problems which lead to Adam suffering a lot.





	1. The beginning

**Author's Note:**

> I'm not a native English speaker, so there's probably gonna be some minor mistakes so I apologize in advance :)

Adam Parrish did not expect things from people.  
He had learned from a pretty young age that relying on other people was a weakness he could not afford. Not the sort of weakness his father always raged about. Like being skinny, too pretty or not manly enough. Weakness for Adams dad meant things he could exploit or attack with his fists. But weakness had an entirely different meaning to Adam. 

To him, it was closely related to hate. Or self-hate to be precise.  
He wished he could be vulnerable or friendly enough to let people in. He admired people who dared to be open, to let people see them for who they truly are. Adam was really jealous of that. wanted someone to know him and to love him. But that was impossible for Adam Parrish. He knew it was a problem, another mental knife that kept on slicing into his soul. Making a huge mess in his life. That is stuff you expect when the only thing you knew as a child was the pain rejection, the pain of a stolen voice and the pain of an aching body.

In school, he had found shelter from the disappointments of his early life. He had found a space where he was valued by older people. They treated him with respect even though he was a child because they saw his hard work. They gave him advice and they saw a worth in him. So he fought, he fought in PE, in history, and in math. No subject was left unconquered. For Adam realized that the only way out from the miserable existence of his fathers home in Henrietta was through ambition.

Adam saw the future and decided to get there, and that perhaps is the only thing Adam doesn't despise with himself. He did everything he could to keep the illusion of having the power over the future. He pretended it was clairvoyance, something he had seen in a show about people who read the fortune of other people. A show his mama loved. He would draw strange cards and always carry them with him everywhere. He pretended they could guide telling him how good he would on tests or how to best go unnoticed by his father. This all ended when his father found out that the spooky shit his wife loved had been passed to his idiot son who had taken it to a new length. Getting a big head. Pretending he was something. Adam stopped playing with his pretty tarot cards. He couldn't really since his fingers were all twisted up after his father had stomped on them. But the crazy idea of escape was etched into his mind.  
Maybe if he studied really hard and became really smart he could get away. Mrs. Connors, his math teacher always said that not even the sky could limit the brightest mind when she had showed the class a movie about the universe as a reward one winter evening when they all had finished their assignments in math. Adam wanted that badly. He wanted the stars, or as a speck of them to land and illuminate his darkness away.

But like most things in life feelings are fleeting. It's hard to be optimistic about life when shitty things happen. When Adam was 13 he was slowly giving up. The summer break had recently ended and the school had started. It was actually two weeks into the term. During which Adam had mostly been in bed or if he mustered the strength in a tiny meadow a mile away from the trailer. He spent most of the time sleeping or watching the sky, or the roof in today's case. Things had been really bad since the beginning of July. His dad had burned through a lot of cash during fourth of July. Celebrating with his American friends getting incredibly drunk and crashing his car with his wife in it. They both had needed medical help after and their car had been totally wrecked. This was horrible news to Adam, to the whole family really. He was terrified of what it would mean for their future and most of all in how his father would deal with it. More anger and frustration for him to take out on Adam and his mama. A week after the accident when Adam was sitting alone in his bedroom reading a book about astronomy his father knocked on the plastic door. It was a strange occurrence. Normally he just always stormed in screaming. Adam was baffled. He called his father in. Adams father was a big man, he towered above most. They were not much alike between Adam and his dad. They had the same eye color and that was that. Adam was more like his mama with lighter hair and a very pronounced bone structure. His dad stood there looming over the doorway casting a long dark shadow over Adam.

"Boy, you have grown up so fast."  
Adam was quiet for a while, trying to recall the last conversation he had with his father.  
"It's really a shame that you don't have more muscle, it could really have helped out you know. If we ever needed you to work, you would have looked older."  
"I'll do my best" Adam whispered, always ready to please.  
"No, no. We'll come up with something. You ain't gonna be wasted. I'll find a way for you to make me proud."  
Adam nodded, perplexed over the situation.  
"You've gotta step up and be a man son."  
"Yes, sir. Anything to help."  
His father nodded and walked out of the room closing the door after him. Adam was relieved when he left. A strange feeling was pushing on his chest. He didn't understand it. His father was never nice, he had never called him son. Adam was up all night tossing and turning unable to sleep. His head filled with thoughts.  
Maybe this was a residue left from the accident. People did the strangest things after they had had a near death experience. For the first time in a very long time, Adam felt hope, for his family.

It's August 29 now and Adam Parrish is laying in his bed. At 12 pm on a Thursday and Adam is out of hope. He has no hope for his family and no hope for himself. He closed his eyes and went to sleep. In his dream, he was floating about in a classroom with Mrs. Connor. She smiled and waved at him. He tried to talk but he was unable to. She rolled around in her lilac dress just like him, stuck in the vacuum. She was pointing up and when he looked the ceiling was gone, instead, it was a sky filled with stars. They were so close he could almost feel their warmth.

When he woke up the next day, he jumped into his uniform and packed his bags. But he was not ready to face his parents yet so he skipped breakfast and just went to school. When he was pedaling on his bike and the early morning sun shone on his aching body, he felt true relief. Maybe he was gonna make it anyway.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We get to meet present time Adam and Ronan. Ronan has grown up in a small town close to a big city to which he moves to after his father's death and Adam have been living on his own since he turned sixteen in the same city as Ronan and the rest.

Adam awoke to the most beautiful sunset he'd ever seen framed by big windows. He woke up in the arms of a stranger in a bed that was too soft to ever belong to him. His eyes blinded by the sunlight that only added to the confusion that already reigned in his mind. To his surprise it was a struggle to get out of the strangers embrace, he was set on dragging Adam back into the bed. When Adam finally got out and stood the world tilted and he had to sit down on a chair. Resting his head in and the table next to the chair he found the opportunity to witness the state of the room. Between the clothes and bottles of many different liquors scattered on the floor, the previous night made itself remembered.

James had called him late last night wondering if Adam wanted to meet up. Adam who was sitting alone in his empty apartment had agreed. He wasn’t in great need of money but he figured that it would pay off to have some extra cash. James had always been a very nice and generous guy. So he had dressed up and James had taken him to a fancy restaurant telling him how great it was and how beautiful he was. As the night continued James had gotten drunker and drunker and Adam had been a bit too sober and a bit too stiff to not  be ashamed . It was in Adam's nature to be wary of drunk people. Not wanting to be uncomfortable anymore he had taken a drink and another and soon the night had flashed by. Breaking all his rules. Because Adam had certain rules when he hung out with James and the likes of him. The most important rule being to always be aware of his location. The second was to always be of sound mind as in do not get so wasted you can hardly remember the night. He never slept with his clients when he was drunk, it made him feel horrible and confused after. 

He came too fast decision and grabbed his clothes before he locked himself in the bathroom. The mirror showed him a perfect example of his future mugshot. But he couldn't do much so he threw cold water on his face and changed. 

Grabbing his jacket from the chair next to the bed he leaned over and gave James a kiss. He didn’t wake up and Adam thanked the universe. He went by his bedside table and gathering the cash before sprinting out of the room. Standing in the elevator Adam felt a black hole open in his stomach. Very used to this he started counting the money to suppress the oncoming panic. 800 dollars was sure worth it, he felt a little bit better knowing he could afford a ride home.  Maybe he could cook something nice tonight and invite blue if he succeeded getting out of bed. 

*****

Ronan had been a wake for awhile now. Sleeplessness was something he was very used to and something he had learned to accept a long while ago. A thing made easier thanks to all the other insomniacs he knew like Gansey or Kavinsky. But tonight, Kavinsky had fallen asleep. His head against Ronan's shoulder and his legs all over Ronan's. 

Ronan couldn't stop thinking, his mind and body were awake but he didn't feel restless. Ronan was always restless. That's the reason for his races, skipped classes and the reason that he didn't touch his bed unless it was to have sex. Another thing that he blamed his restlessness for, his volatile attraction to Kavinsky. While Kavinsky kept on snoring Ronan thought about the future. He was so fucking sure that he didn't want to go to college. He  barely endured high school. Both Declan and Gansey seeing it as a personal failure on their part. They couldn't understand that Ronan and structured brain death wouldn't mix. Declan fretted more about Ronan's future than he did. He would find something to do that involved making because that was what Ronan needed to do. The only worry Ronan had was his loneliness. 

In all his years, Ronan had met very few who he needed to have in his life and even fewer that attracted him. Spending the rest Kavinsky was not an option. Their relationship was only driven by sex. Even though they seemed alike to others, Ronan knew that they'd never work. He didn't love or need Kavisnky more than he needed Declan. And that said a lot, Declan was not his favorite person. He knew that comparing his brother and the dude he slept was wrong. But the fact that he did made it even more obvious that he and Kavinsky had very little. Spending more time with him had made Ronan miss Gansey and Noah. He missed things to have meaning and people  being annoyed at him because they cared. 

Ever since his father had died Ronan had become a harder person. Even though time had gone by and the grief and the anger that once consumed him had settled. The shell he had constructed around himself had remained. His edges were sharper now and people got intimidated. But he couldn't settle for less either, he wasn't interested in someone that couldn't deal with him. Ronan was true to himself and would be true to whomever that chose him. His anger and passion were something that he finally had learned to accept. He needed someone he could understand and who could understand him. Not the easiest task but he would make the fucking effort if he could find someone worth it..


	3. Shitty friend

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Blue and Adam hang out in a bar and they talk a lot. We get to know more about Adam and his life and how he is connected to Blue.

Adam pushed the end of his cigarette into the candle light until it caught fire before he took his first drag. He was not the only one smoking in the bar, the air was filled with smoke from dubious cigarettes that mixed well with the sweet perfumes emanating from the girls sitting in the next booth. The heavy bass from the rap playing mixed with the smoke made the bar feel like a den filled with secrets. Blue stared at Adams cigarette with clear disapproval.  
”Your death is near.” She rasped making her voice hoarser.

"Oh yes Dracula, my death is near. But I shall welcome your sharp fangs." Blue rolled her eyes at him.

  
"Not the impression I was going for Adam, but it's nice that you can make fun of your friend's concern for your health." She leaned her head against the window next to the booth. Blue had recently gotten a new cut. Her hair was buzzed at the sides leaving the middle long. The curls were too long to stand on their own in the middle so she had swept them to one side. She looked amazing, the cut framed her face making her cheekbones reach a totally new dimension.

”You know that if you stopped smoking like for legit you could save a lot of money Adam.” She swirled her nacho mindlessly in the salsa jar. ”Money you could spend on doing fun things with me instead of giving yourself an early death.” She finished her sentence with putting the salsa drenched nacho into her mouth. But Adam was distracted by the music, he was slowly trying to decipher lyrics of the song beneath the heavy bass. ”So much money I don't know who stole from me, Hard to keep track I'm used to having no money.”

”I have enough money to spoil both you and me tonight,” Adam answered a few minutes too late blowing the smoke straight at her.  
Blue swayed her hands at the smoke and grimaced.

”I believe it when I see it. Until then I’m gonna nag at you about your smoking because I am a good friend and I care about your health as well as your finances.” She said the last part with a smile because she knew that Adam always was, in fact, a walking bank, that how good he was with money. Blue managed to snatch his strawberry margarita while he had been distracted and was now taking a sip. "Yummy, It’s like you in a glass.” She smiled at him when he dragged the drink away from her.

  
"I don't get why you keep ordering Beer when you obviously don't like it," Adam said. Tonight she was extra bubbly and affectionate, her gestures extra animated when she talked with him. She was currently deeply into a retelling of her day.

”Some people have no respect at all. Especially the rich boys but the girls can be rude too.” She took a sip of her her beer before continuing. ”It’s so strange, I don’t understand it! Don’t laugh Adam it’s not funny!” Blue threw a nacho chip at him when he laughed at her, the guacamole she had dipped the nacho in got stuck on his jacket. Adam grabbed a napkin and tried to rub it away. ”If you really think about it Adam you’ll understand. It makes no sense If you don’t have to worry about money while raising your kids you probably have time to focus on other things, like teaching you kids to behave.”

Adam hummed in agreement but his thoughts were elsewhere. Once more he was distracted by the song playing in the background. The noise in the bar had receded so the words were even clearer than before. ”Cause I ain't never had a lot dammit, Who you had to kill, Who you had to rob, Who you had to fuck just to make it to the top dammit.” The words etched themselves into his mind, dragging out all his worries into the light. ”You got what I want, I got what you need, how much for your soul.” The words cut deep into Adams mind making his thoughts scatter. The song was trying to drag Adam back into a mood that Adam was very hard trying to escape. He dragged his focus back to Blue trying to filter everything away but her voice. But he couldn’t hear her because she sat quit her stare unwavering from him.

Adam smiled at her. ”What’s wrong?” Blue looked at him before she took a real chug of her beer.  
”Are you gonna answer?” Adam asked her again before he kicked her leg with his foot.

  
”I dunno.,” Blue said with a shrug. ”Feels like it’s me that should ask you what’s going on.” Suddenly Blues both hands were around Adams and she was staring at him intently as if she was trying to decipher him. Adam stared back trying his best to not let anything show.

”Nothing, I’m just here with you and enjoying my time since Orla is not here.”

  
”That’s not true, Adam.”

  
”What’s that supposed to mean?” Adam asked her.

  
"I’m talking about how you have been distant this whole evening. How we before this bar hadn't talked in like a week.”  
Adam couldn't really say anything back cause Blue was right.  
”It’s not only that." Blue continued. You’ve refused to answer my 1000 texts and calls. When I swung by you weren’t at home and I know you weren’t at work because I checked.”

Blue was right to be annoyed. They were always together, and when they weren’t they were always texting. Even if the conversations were one sided Adam always made it his mission to answer. And of course, she would get all agitated if he just disappeared like that.

”Even Calla was worried. We were almost ready to go to the police but luckily it didn't happen because you called.” Her last words were heavy with feelings and Adam felt like a crappy person. It took him awhile before he gathered the courage to look into her eyes. They were tinted with tears and she was trying to blink them away before he saw. Adam wasn't stupid, he knew she would be pissed when he finally got himself to call her after his somewhat unwilling isolation after the night he spent with James. Blue had come by the apartment when three days had passed with Adam not answering his phone.But he had been too far into his own head. Adam hadn't really thought things through before calling Blue and now he felt shitty for being a bad friend. But he also felt a flicker of hope over the fact that Blue cared that much. Maybe he could tell her.

  
”I kinda feel stupid because you are obviously still alive,”Blue said at last. ”I’m not gonna force you to tell me where you were, what or who you were doing while you were away. I just need you to know that I care and worry about you and I am definitely not the only one. So call the next time you decide to go for an adventure or maybe you decided you needed time for yourself, I don’t know. But please call or text.” Blue sighed and looked at him and Adam decide to sit next to her. Adjusting himself and grabbing her in a half hug with his arm she rested her head against him. He kissed her cheek with a promise.

  
”Ok so now that is over,” Blue said sending a text to Orla. ”I called Artemis and asked him if you could start a bit later than usual.” Before Adam had the chance to protest Blue silenced him with her hand. ”Just hear me out.” Adam rolled his eyes. Blue smiled and removed her hand. ”You, me and Orla are gonna get some more drinks, preferably at some other bar where the risk for lung cancer is less and then you're gonna listen to me and Orla bitch about boys. How does that sound?” Adam nodded and Blue pushed him out of the booth.  
”That should teach you to not go AWOL on your family.”  
He took her hand and they walked out into the dark night.

Two hours and three beers later Adam was standing outside of Legends with a tipsy Blue and a totally hammered Orla. The Legends sign was casting Orla and Blue in different colors. From light blue to red and at last to violet when Orla finally reached the resolution of her drunkness and started to cry. Adam was aware of the stage that would follow, the puking. He was trying his best to drag them into the club past the security so they could rest in the private bathrooms but Blue wouldn't have any of that. ”Adam stop it.” Blue dabbed at his hands when he tried to grab her and Orla.

  
Blues aversion to Legends wasn’t new. No matter what she said about women owning their own bodies Adam knew that she had a hard time accepting it. It went against her moral and values, it was also owned by someone who often had disappointed Blue through her life. It was owned by her father, Artemis. Which was kind of funny because Adam had nothing but respect for the man. That respect had paid of hugely since Adam had been able to do something neither Maura or Blues other relatives ever could. He had brought Blue and Artemis closer. They fought a lot but it was nowhere the icy tension that had been between them before Adam had been introduced into their lives. The fighting was not in any way a hindrance to them spending more time together. They had finally been able to find things they could bond over like the traveling the world and Blue's future studies. Adam was really happy about that because Blue was the person he loved the most in the whole world and Artemis was the one he admired and owed a lot too.

Reuniting them had lead to both their lives getting better, and that being something Adam could take credit for making him feel a lot better about himself. But even though Blues dislike for Artemis was fading she refused on most occasions to step into his club. Adam had learned a long time ago to accept it and he was no longer bothered by it. It was not an objection to him but to the business that fed him. He hugged them both before he called a taxi handing some cab money to Blue.  
Before he walked in to start his shift he asked the security guard to keep an eye on them until their taxi arrived and the guy nodded to him. Waving a final goodbye he hurried in to start his night.

Blue couldn’t understand his respect for her, father. To her, he was a person who objectified and exploited young women and men and the fact that some of the people that worked in the club like Adam were underage made it even harder for Blue to accept. And it makes sense because for any normal person it was wrong to let teenagers work in such an exploiting work force. But the thing that most people and Blue didn’t understand was that Adam wasn’t as lucky or skilled enough to do anything else while earning what he did. It was a great job with flexible hours and it was a huge step upwards from the last thing he was forced to do. Something he would never tell anybody about. He felt so fortunate that Artemis had found him when he did because if he hadn’t Adam had no idea how his life would have turned out.


End file.
